Holidays: when they don’t live up to our expectations. From an early age, we learn that the holidays can be stressful, and perhaps disappointing. Santa did not bring us the toy we asked for, someone let us down, we don’t have a new dress like everyone else, or we sing at the wrong time in the Christmas concert. Now, as adults we face more potential stress. Our family members have new families, and spend less time with us. Our family members come to visit and spend more time with us. We don’t have the energy, or money, or time to purchase, wrap, and mail every gift to every person that is meaningful to us. Also memories of the past, and losses, are magnified at this time of year. What can we do to live through the holidays, and perhaps even enjoy them? Change Expectations: Find realistic and meaningful ways to share with others. Spread it through the year, and don’t wait for the holidays. Set price limits and don’t feel guilty for sticking to them. Perhaps have a Yankee Swap or draw a name of one person rather then buying for all people in a group. Spend quality time with loved ones. I recently read about a “Bob Hope Christmas”. Bob was always overseas visiting the troops, so he never had a Christmas at home with his family. Perhaps, with growing families, choosing a different day to celebrate puts less stress on people, so they don’t have to drive all over on the special day, but can spend quality time with people throughout the whole season. Some people only send cards to people that live “away” rather then to everyone in their address books. I have also received a wonderful email card, with photos, and a brief newsy note. It was less time and financially consuming then the snail mail, yet still was touching. If you are experiencing a recent loss, this might be the year to start a new tradition. Old familiar traditions only emphasize the loss. Some families go on a trip, spending time with those still here. Some volunteer at churches or soup kitchens, in memory of the person. Some people make a donation of money, or a commitment in honor of another person. Some people write favorite memories in a book form, to share with others. Or pass a letter around, with each person sharing his or her memories. Some write letters to their loved one. The big thing is to be sure you do not beat yourself up for experiencing emotions (good or bad) over the holidays. Happy New Year